Thursday, April 16, 2009

I'm lost, idk what to do. Quarrel w Bi again, & this time around i can't kick away my bad habit, i ask for break. & he was so sick & tire of everything he say " okay " i cried. Nobody talk to, Mum saw me liddat she almost cried, she advice me to make myself v.busy & forget him. Mum keep jokes w me but she failed to make me smile. yes, i admit im crying now! I hate to see tears dripping out from my eye, i could even taste th salt water from my eye. Totally don't know what to do, I luv him too much, i gave him everything he wants. Yes i gave! & this is what he give me back? why? why always th girl would get hurt when th relationship ends? Woke up in th afternoon when im taking my nap, Im so not used to it w/o him. i used to see him appear infront of me when i woke up. He used to hug me & kiss me.
I miss him, everyone parts of my house was left w his memories. I cried again. Listen to song & cried. Tomorrow there will be test, i din studies, i got no mood, mum keep call me go out shopping 7 forgot everything, I cried.
Know him for almost 6month, & this 6month he treat me really damn sweet&good. althought he hits me, but i don't mind. cos i know he luv me.
im so sick & tire of break patch break patch break & patch again! Where are all my friends? Xin din reply my text, Called gina but she was th innocent ones, im not in a mood to explain to her what happening& i scolded her.
Im so shocked when he reply me " okay " I cried, i hits th walls, my hand hurts, I hit myself for being such a loser. Mum saw, she stop me from doing all this. I cant control myself. Idk idk idk why, every relationship i walk i luv him even more than th previous ones, & in th end?
Mum went to work now, im alone at home, i cried again. I can't accept th truth, & now he even cn happily enjoying himself outside when im crying at home. Totally lost.
Im left w notthing, i gave him everything! I dont mind what i give him, & this is what he giv me back?
Am i foolish? when a boys says he luv you & you giv him. Im addicted to his words. whatever he says i take it as real. dont know what to do anymore, this weekend stay at home doing nothing. Open my carboard saw him boxer,pants&shirt. I took out & cried :{
saw th mp4 he brought i cried, saw th slipper he brought i cried, worst saw those pic we took i cried.
I cant control mt tears anymore, when mummy goes out i went downstair brought gum. I cried.
I miss him telling me " Bi, want eat what i cook for you" " Bi, want go shopping? i buy thing giv you" " Bi, i din sleep, i morning call ou at 6am" " Bi, iluvyou, dont leave me okays" " Bi i promise you were my one & only " " My da xiao jie! you okays le mah, make up so long neh" " Wifeyyyy!"
I miss him so much, whenever he come to my house i would run to him & jump onto him & he will hug me. I can't accept th truth. never tot of this days will come true. Now he den start to text me say he dunwn break. sigh*
friends were nothing to me now, what i wan is only him, i m willing to giv up everything just to be w him. I swear im so happy when im w him, he is th 1st boyfriend that would always bring me go out shopping, that would cook for me & eat, that i stayed overnight at his house, that comes to my house & stay. that i almost meet everydays.
what to do, :{

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