Listening to song now & chatting at msn w Turban, imissher so much.
tell her everything how i feel now, my mood super bad now, as in super sad. i've changed so much, yes, so much till i cnt even recognise who im, look into th mirror, ask myself " what happen to me " But no respond, how i wish th mirror could talk to me, best is th walls. I may be smiling at you all, laugh & jokes. But inside? Mum treat me good, everyone treat me good, but this is not i wants, eveyone called me, text me cheer up cheer up, but actions? I wan back my previous life where im smiling all th way, even my heart smile. It has been days im at home, asking myself again " is this th life i wants? " When im small i wish to get older faster, when im old, i wish to goes back to my yong life again. I miss those past where im being pampered by everyone, yes i know i have to grow up, i have to be v.independence. i know. But I'm so scare being alone, I'm so scare that one day everyone don't love me anymore. I hate to do those thing to make mummy & daddy cries again. I hate schl even more, those friend were sucker. Or they don't even calls friend? what are friend for actually? I hate homes, im th one who always alone at home. I hate outside, idk when or how people put side will betrayed me or backstabber me? I hate everywhere except heaven. How peace is heaven is? i'll get to enjoy my life der, w/o any worries. i know I'm silly thinking bout this. But ( .. ) When im no freedom i have so many friend around me keep wanting to go out all this, here come my freedom is, but no friend & no place to go. C.XinYun Luv C.HanQuan ? Again, when will this relationship lasted? Worst, when will this r/s end? I'm glad that he changed so much. Much appreciate! But I scare my Feeling were not in this r/s anymore. What if one day we ended who i go to? I hurt so much people around me, especially Daddy, th last msg he text me is " by 1 May you never come home don't even thought of calling me daddy again " & know what i replied him ? " Ok, sure, i wun go home " i know i hurt him so much. Im not getting younger & younger each day, instead older & older. which i must be more mature. Must have a mind of my own, what i wants to do & how am i going to do. Must learn how to solve problem myself. & not keep waiting for some one to baby feed me anymore. I know how to say , but i don't know how to do. I need somebody to guide me, th person definitely not H, he can;t guide me, instead he make me change to other person. I really need someone shoulder & cry now. & of course i dunwn H shoulder. Idk why :{ idk what happen to me, i cries when im alone, i cried when i listen to song, i cries when i saw some pictures of th past. always being v.happy that Mum & Dad divorce de Joleen now suddenly wish Mum & Dad will go bk to th past, which i know it impossible. I know it too late to tell mum & dad things like this. Whenever i goes out i saw those people w their parent im so jealous, im so jealous that xin got a happy family. at least she get to eat tgt w her mum or dad sometime even though it " seldom " I'm so jealous that ryl parents were tgt, at least they were under a same roof. im so jealous of cousin , they got happyn family, every sat or sun whole family will go out tgt& play. there are alway v.united. knows that im so dumb, so dumb that im wishing for something that i know it wont come true. How i wish i cn end my life, i dunwn to suffer so long. I rather pain now den pain later. people around me keep say dont worry bout studies cn find me & blah blah, but when are they free? Im hopeless, brainless & no future. Since there is noway for me to turn back so i shall continue walk my life like this ? I wanted to be mummy good daughter which everytime after schl help her go sell otah, every sat & sun go help mum sell otah, peng all those otah, serve costomer w rojark, wash rojark bowls & everything. & most important being luv by mum! I miss hugging dad & kiss him. I miss Joey & sandra, miss those time we were 3 tgt stayed w dad, 3 of us were super united, when i cried, both of you will hg me & call me not to cry all this. both of you all v.guai de, we 3 were at thsame schl, always bring sandra after schl, cook for you all, help you 2 iron clothes all this. & i know both of my meimei were v.guai de, now? sigh*
ps;/ this were all my own feeling, you cn choose nt to read.
tell her everything how i feel now, my mood super bad now, as in super sad. i've changed so much, yes, so much till i cnt even recognise who im, look into th mirror, ask myself " what happen to me " But no respond, how i wish th mirror could talk to me, best is th walls. I may be smiling at you all, laugh & jokes. But inside? Mum treat me good, everyone treat me good, but this is not i wants, eveyone called me, text me cheer up cheer up, but actions? I wan back my previous life where im smiling all th way, even my heart smile. It has been days im at home, asking myself again " is this th life i wants? " When im small i wish to get older faster, when im old, i wish to goes back to my yong life again. I miss those past where im being pampered by everyone, yes i know i have to grow up, i have to be v.independence. i know. But I'm so scare being alone, I'm so scare that one day everyone don't love me anymore. I hate to do those thing to make mummy & daddy cries again. I hate schl even more, those friend were sucker. Or they don't even calls friend? what are friend for actually? I hate homes, im th one who always alone at home. I hate outside, idk when or how people put side will betrayed me or backstabber me? I hate everywhere except heaven. How peace is heaven is? i'll get to enjoy my life der, w/o any worries. i know I'm silly thinking bout this. But ( .. ) When im no freedom i have so many friend around me keep wanting to go out all this, here come my freedom is, but no friend & no place to go. C.XinYun Luv C.HanQuan ? Again, when will this relationship lasted? Worst, when will this r/s end? I'm glad that he changed so much. Much appreciate! But I scare my Feeling were not in this r/s anymore. What if one day we ended who i go to? I hurt so much people around me, especially Daddy, th last msg he text me is " by 1 May you never come home don't even thought of calling me daddy again " & know what i replied him ? " Ok, sure, i wun go home " i know i hurt him so much. Im not getting younger & younger each day, instead older & older. which i must be more mature. Must have a mind of my own, what i wants to do & how am i going to do. Must learn how to solve problem myself. & not keep waiting for some one to baby feed me anymore. I know how to say , but i don't know how to do. I need somebody to guide me, th person definitely not H, he can;t guide me, instead he make me change to other person. I really need someone shoulder & cry now. & of course i dunwn H shoulder. Idk why :{ idk what happen to me, i cries when im alone, i cried when i listen to song, i cries when i saw some pictures of th past. always being v.happy that Mum & Dad divorce de Joleen now suddenly wish Mum & Dad will go bk to th past, which i know it impossible. I know it too late to tell mum & dad things like this. Whenever i goes out i saw those people w their parent im so jealous, im so jealous that xin got a happy family. at least she get to eat tgt w her mum or dad sometime even though it " seldom " I'm so jealous that ryl parents were tgt, at least they were under a same roof. im so jealous of cousin , they got happyn family, every sat or sun whole family will go out tgt& play. there are alway v.united. knows that im so dumb, so dumb that im wishing for something that i know it wont come true. How i wish i cn end my life, i dunwn to suffer so long. I rather pain now den pain later. people around me keep say dont worry bout studies cn find me & blah blah, but when are they free? Im hopeless, brainless & no future. Since there is noway for me to turn back so i shall continue walk my life like this ? I wanted to be mummy good daughter which everytime after schl help her go sell otah, every sat & sun go help mum sell otah, peng all those otah, serve costomer w rojark, wash rojark bowls & everything. & most important being luv by mum! I miss hugging dad & kiss him. I miss Joey & sandra, miss those time we were 3 tgt stayed w dad, 3 of us were super united, when i cried, both of you will hg me & call me not to cry all this. both of you all v.guai de, we 3 were at thsame schl, always bring sandra after schl, cook for you all, help you 2 iron clothes all this. & i know both of my meimei were v.guai de, now? sigh*
ps;/ this were all my own feeling, you cn choose nt to read.
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